"During the Thanksgiving weekend, (airline) security screeners seized 15,982 pocket-knives, 98 box cutters, six guns and a brick."

-- Associated Press

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TO: All Members of the American Brick Association.

SUBJECT: Unfortunate public incident involving the ABA emblem.

Dear Members

It has been brought to our attention that security officials at around the country are clamping down on the transportation in private luggage of our society emblem. Members have been accosted at airports, train stations, and even at a mall in Terra Haute, Indiana. Many of those security people have never heard of the ABA, so it doesn't help trying to explain the importance of bricks to us. May we suggest some other responses they might find more acceptable.

1)  "No one ever said we couldn't take them onboard."

2)  "Construction materials are more expensive in ..." (fill in your destination).

3)  "I'm a karate black belt, and I keep this for motivational purposes."

4)  "When you get down to it, it really is just a bunch of sand."

5)  "It's a gift."

6)  "Could it cause any more damage than airline food?"

7)  "I was testing the strength of my new bag."

8)  "It's not mine."

9)  "It's a goodluck charm. I never fly without it."

10)  "Would you like to a join the ABA?" (It's worth a try. Also, make sure to have some extra membership forms on you.)

Yours

Morty (Thick as a you-know-what) Mortensen

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Submitted to The New Yorker, but rejected with the standard rejection letter: "We're sorry to say that this manuscript is not right for us, in spite of its evident merit. Unfortunately, we are receiving so many submissions that it is impossible for us to reply more specifically. We thank you for the chance to consider your work. THE EDITORS"

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